Cowlicks. Cowlicks everywhere.
1. If your hair is thick it’s basically unmanageable.
Thick hair has a mind of its own, and that mind is of a deranged lunatic that always wants you to look awful in pictures.
2. If you have thin hair it just sits there, doing nothing.
“You want to get up today, hair? You maybe want to have some body or do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING?”
3. Short hair requires constant upkeep.
Shaved sides? Looks good for about a week until you turn into a fuzz monster. Which means if you want to keep that look, frequent cuts are required. Ain’t nobody have time for that!
4. That windswept look sounds great in practice, but in reality…
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind, as it ravages your hair making you look like a walking bird’s nest? I can.
5. Hoping your hair had ANY type of wave at all.
“HAHAHAHAHA. No.” — Your roots.
6. You have a bathroom graveyard of failed pomades, gels, waxes and hairsprays.
And all of them have “extreme hold” written on the side of them.
7. Same goes for brushes and combs.
And when you finally find one you like, you buy five just in case, y’know?
9. Growing your hair long is frightening, because you’re concerned you may end up looking like this.
And most likely will end up looking like this.
10. Also, your growing out period seems to last forever.
11. People who say you can “do anything” with your hair just don’t get it.
If by “anything,” you mean uncontrollable chaos, then yes. Yes it can.
12. Seeing someone with gorgeous straight hair drives you insane.
“Oh, this? I just got out of bed this way.”
13. Having to straighten your already straight hair just so you can style it somehow.
“You do me first, then I’ll do you, ok?”
14. Even when you curl your hair it never stays for long.
That is what perms are for, and we’ve almost all tried them once.
15. Bobby pins falling out on their accord.
They’re like, “Yeah, I know you need us right now but LATERZ!”
16. Up-dos? More like up-don’ts.
You wanted that hour of work you did on your hair to only last five minutes, right?
17. Not showering with straight hair means one express ticket on the Stringy Grease Train.
18. Having to deal with ponytail dents.
It is literally like your hair is fighting back at you.